Mary & Martha: Lessons in Sisterhood and Friendship for the Modern Woman

Inspired by Luke 10:38-42

Sisterhood. What does that mean? What does that truly represent? Well, when I have questions I try my best to delve into what the Word may have to say about this and got deeply inspired by the lessons just a few verses in Luke offered regarding sisterhood. We meet Martha and Mary and peek into a seemingly random day in their lives when Jesus visits them.  Suddenly, the verses explode with a range of lessons, a few of which I’d like to share with you: 

“And she had a sister…” 

After being introduced to Martha by name, the first thing we learn about her is that she has a sister. The fact that sisterhood exists in the first place, whether biological or chosen, is truly a blessing. This being introduced as a key qualifier was evidence that Martha wasn’t sojourning through life alone. Sisterhood carries with it this innate sense of being known; it is pregnant with the possibility of being able to do life in a way that you feel understood and held andthings don’t necessarily have to be experienced in a silo rather one can find solace in the arms of a sister, one can find a place to call home in an unspoken bond that I believe is God-ordained. After all, the concept of community was His idea - “it is not good that man should be alone” and enjoying the gift of sisterhood is one of the many ways this can be fulfilled. The essence of sisterhood is one of unique camaraderie, trust, and a deep knowing of another. And what a thing it is to be known.

“Lord do You not care that my sister has left me to serve alone?” 

Now, there are so many vices that seek to threaten the beauty of sisterhood. One of the key ones is  - Competition. Though there is an oversaturation of content regarding this and perhaps at times an assumption that this is present in all female friendships (it’s not), it is necessary to discuss this vice especially as it shows up so glaringly even in scripture. We talk about women being pitted against each other so often but here we see Martha doing the pitting herself! She looks to Jesus and even has some attitude with Him regarding the fact that she felt slighted in not being assisted by her sister. Her reference to Mary as ‘my sister’ here feels more like a jab than a term of endearment as in her frustration she doesn’t call her by name but rather points out what she believes to be a flaw in Mary’s actions. 

In our sisterhoods and friendships, it might be more beneficial to always choose to believe the best. To not allow moments of frustration to lead to character desecrations. There is so much to gain and learn from one another - even through, especially through conflict. Contrary to popular belief, conflict can be healthy. To call a person a ‘sister’ means that even in moments where you feel offended by one’s actions, it doesn’t have to lead to unhealthy comparisons and fierce protection of your feelings as being right or justified. Rather, we can fiercely protect and guard one another’s hearts and emotions and choose to confront things kindly.

“Therefore tell her to help me” 

Speaking of confrontation, Martha at no point addresses Mary directly. It almost seems that in a desperate act of defiance, she refuses to do so but instead somewhat commands Jesus to ‘tell her’ even though they were likely in the same room/vicinity with Mary having been sat at Jesus’ feet this entire time. 

Though not necessarily the easiest thing to do, confronting things head-on with your sister helps to create and foster a transparent, open, and honest environment within the landscape of your friendship and sisterhood. How it is done is just as important as it is being done at all. This takes us back to that sense of deep knowing we talked about earlier. Choosing to approach things selflessly, taking your sister’s love language, apology language, and all her languages into consideration ensures that the conversation can be fruitful; one that’s both shared and received in love. 

“But one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her” 

So what did Jesus do in all of this; what was His response to this exchange? Jesus chose in this moment to not go bar for bar with Martha but rather to point her to something good he noticed in Mary and encourage her to embrace a different form of service; one that began and ended with surrender at His feet. There is so much we can learn from each other butthat can only happen when we choose to look outside of ourselves and embrace the fact that we don’t know it all. Our way isn’t always the best way and perhaps our sisters can help point us in a better direction - only if we are humble enough to acknowledge this. Mary wasn’t any ‘better’ than Martha in this situation but she had made a better choice. What a beautiful thing it could be if, during this season of love and beyond, we choose to nurture our sisterhoods better, to pour nothing but love, honesty, and sincerity into them and marvel as they grow deeper roots. 

We were built for community and there’s nothing more affirming than having sisters who care enough to hold you - to hold your emotions with care, to hold you accountable, and to hold you up to continuously experience the warm embrace of our Heavenly Father.