Relationship and Style: The Unseen Link
What do Kim Kardashian and Sofia Ritchie have in common? Maybe a little or maybe a lot. Both socialites, social media influencers, and businesswomen. That’s not where the overlapping stops. We’re not just talking about social circles but, the fact they’ve both been included in the discourse on the impacts that relationships, in particular romantic ones, have on style.
On the one hand, we have Sofia Richie. She’s been commended on her stylistic ‘glow up’ since getting into a relationship with her now husband Elliot Grainge. She’s even been dubbed the official queen of quiet luxury according to TikTok, which has become the summer trend of 2023. Her wedding was even covered by Vogue as she wore multiple Chanel pieces, all emulating generational wealth and class.
She’s become the epitome of what happens when you find ‘the right one’. You dress better as you’re exposed to better. Her consequent ‘upgrading’ in romantic suitors overflowed with her stylistic changes. In her case, she’s dressing in what many would describe as more luxurious and modest. This could be contrasted with how she dressed with reality star Scott Disick. She was younger and dressed younger too.
Then, on the other hand, we have Kim Kardashian. She’s been condemned for her new style post-divorce. Many critique the influencer and mogul for not being as fashionable since her divorce with rapper, and designer Kanye West. This is despite her collaboration with Dolce & Gabbana and Fendi. With many claiming she’s fallen off since he no longer dresses her.
We’ve also seen Kim Kardashian’s older sister Kourtney being pulled into this. From slides of the evolution of her fashion sense, all changing depending on the partner she was with at the time. This was particularly heightened as she entered her punk rock era, since debuting her relationship with Travis Barker the drummer to the rock band Blink-182.
We see three different outcomes or situations here. A young woman who has been introduced to a new lifestyle and has adapted accordingly, which many have approved. A divorced woman and mother who had been with her husband for years, rediscovering her style. Lastly, a woman has explored different styles and aesthetics depending on who she dated.
Most of us have at one point or another fitted in one or more of these categories. I know I have. I remember post break up I was completely lost. I had dressed for the person I was with for a long time. Forsaking my preferences to please someone else.
My identity was so wrapped up in another person that I had completely lost myself, and consequently, I no longer knew what I liked. Meaning I had to rediscover who I was outside of that relationship, and my likes. When I did the work to learn who I am in Christ, my style completely changed. It exuded confidence because I knew who I was.
Naturally, relationships have an impact on us and our style. This can be to varying degrees. It’s normal especially when considering our partners introduce us to new things, things that we might not have been previously acquainted with and vice versa. Additionally, we want our partners to find us attractive so of course, we bear that in mind when dressing. It’s completely natural.
However, certain changes can be symptomatic of a loss of identity. Fashion and style are heavily influenced by our identities. Whilst they shouldn’t be a determinant, they can be a representation of them. This is why we need to know who we are before we get into a relationship. Whilst we can evolve and of course so can our fashion sense, it needs to be rooted in an understanding of who we are in Christ.
The constant changing of style because of who you are with can be an indicator of an identity crisis. It would seem you’re looking to external sources to tell you who you are. If there’s a void in the knowledge of identity something, or someone will fill that void.
It’s easy to get caught up in our relationships and be all about it but, you need to exist outside of your relationship because it doesn’t determine who you are, the only relationship that can do that is the one you have with your maker and the one you have. So, whilst your partner will likely influence your style as most of our relationships do, our relationship shouldn’t be what controls our style and identity. Or we risk just becoming a reflection of who they are, or being lost if it doesn’t work out. There’s a difference between influence or inspiration and control.
Now the influence doesn’t have to always be negative. I remember being with someone who encouraged me to consider God when it came to style. It didn’t change my aesthetic but improved it because my focus was on glorifying God. The person pointed me to Christ which in turn improved my style. If the person points you to God, they’re not taking you away from your identity but encouraging you to discover your true identity. This in turn will only improve how you dress because you’re not dressing for a person but for God. The right relationship doesn’t necessarily change you but they point you to the one who transforms.
When we consider how Christ loved the church, and his bride, we get insight into how godly relationships cause us to grow. In Ephesians 5:26-27, Christ cared for the beautification of His bride, which came from a place of love. The first thing He did was washed her with His words, which impacted how she presents herself. Relationships should be about growth and building each other up. As opposed to being someone’s project to change you into their dream girl. No, they should build you to be God’s original plan for you.
Relationships impact identity, identity impacts style. Your style can change which is normal, but what is the driver of this change? Is it to please someone? Is it to gain approval? Or, is it for you? If the reasoning and the intentions are right then it’s good. If it’s not, then some identity and healing work needs to be done.