Help! I've Outgrown My Friendship

Friendship break-ups are rough. Some would even argue it's harder than romantic break-ups. However, what do you do when you know God is calling you to move on from a friendship? Even when they've done nothing wrong. Or if you've been friends with them for years. It can be painful. 

With this month's theme being growth, we had to talk about friendships. To be candid, the reality of growing is that you'll grow closer to some people and grow apart from others. We've all heard the saying "People either come into your life for a reason and a season, a lesson, or a blessing." While keeping them in your life might seem harmless, it can be detrimental and even be a lid on your life. 

Consider Abraham in the Bible. He was waiting on a promise from God: the promise of a son, fatherhood, and of nations. God was going to give him the land he never expected, but with it came a simple caveat: leave your family behind. However, like many of us, we want a backup or safety net. For Abraham, his safety net was his nephew Lot. Just in case he didn't have a son, at least he had his nephew. Yes, even your friendships and relationships can serve as a substitute for the promises of God. 

While Lot was Abraham's nephew, there's a lot that we can learn from their relationship. For example, most people don't know that Lot's name actually means veil or hidden. Some of your relationships can become a veil or hindrance to where God wants you to be. There was a limitation to how much God could bless Abraham while Lot was still around. It was once they went their separate ways that God reminded him of His word to him.

Still don't believe me? Let's look at Jesus. He had seventy disciples, twelve close disciples, and three confidantes. When it came to Jesus transfiguring it wasn't all of his disciples that got to see Him in all his glory, or even pray with Him. He was highly selective. Just as you should be. 

It's not everyone you can take with you. That's okay. Not everyone gets to see your transformation, and guess what? That's okay. It's not about being better than anyone. It's about destiny and purpose. This is about who is called to you in this season. It speaks about grace to see you as God sees you and vice versa.

This topic reminds me of one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten "Don't make friends, choose them." I'll take it a step further. Let the Holy Spirit choose your friends. He knows you better than you do. He knows the real you. Meaning He knows exactly what you need, sometimes it can be contrary to what you want. 

God knows separation and loss can be painful, even sacrificial. However, when we know that everything that God asks us to do comes from a place of love, we'll realize He knows what's best for us. 

Tieing back to the importance of friendships and growth we often see two things happen when we begin to outgrow our friendships. The wrong friends might be uncomfortable with your growth or not necessarily encourage it. They'll still see you as the person you once were, and not adjust accordingly. Maybe you were once weak or insecure, they might still see you that way even though you've been set free. Causing you to regress. If they aren't championing your growth they'll cause you to doubt it.

Or, maybe they're still dealing with the things you've been delivered from. Now, this isn't to say that just because you've overcome something you can't be friends with someone who is still on their own journey. Not at all. In fact, God can use you to help someone else. Your story might be what they need.

This is a different scenario. I am talking about when someone is partaking in a lifestyle, habit, or decision that God has clearly told you to leave. Being around it can lead to temptation. We all know the flesh is weak. Some friends might encourage you to look back. These are the situations that we want to steer clear from.

You want to be around people who have a revelation of who you are. It's not about perfection. There is no perfect friend (other than the Holy Spirit). You want people who have a God-given revelation about your heart, purpose, and destiny. So that even in moments where you falter or don't feel like what God has said about you is true, they're there to speak life over you. 

It reminds me of when only Peter had the revelation of Jesus as the son of God. They all spent so much time with Him yet only one had the revelation. This is what you want. Those are your destiny helpers. 

God knows any separation is hard however, when God removes He replaces it with better. So, be willing to grow apart from people to give room for you to grow closer to others. It can be exactly what you need to keep growing and entering your new season.